Thursday, January 17, 2008

Anti-Matter Cookies

Whenever my home is invaded by hungry space mutants, I'm ready at the door with a plate of freshly baked quantum snacks. Otherwise they'd start disintegrating the furniture! How do I manage it? Here's what to do.

1. As soon as the little darlings arrive, lock yourself into the kitchen, gather together any radioactive scraps you have on hand, and collide them in a blender until you've produced one cupful of assorted glueballs, semi-sweet quarks, and weak-vector bosons. Add nine cups of dark matter and half-a-teaspoon of Big Bang baking soda.

2. Mix all the ingredients together, form into vibrating strings, and place on a cookie sheet. Set your microwave at 10(12)K and cook for a fraction of a second, then let cool for 10-20 thousand million years.

3. Next, using N-dimensional space, loop back in time so you are waiting at the door with cookies in hand. When the kiddies show up -- their noses runny, their pockets bulging with wormholes and strange attractors -- you'll be rewarded by shrieks of delight.

4. Once the little tykes have gorged themselves, you can send them waddling back out into phase space where they can happily wreck the cosmos and rebuild it as many times as they want before bedtime.